The Giants' game. Or as Antonio Pierce put it, "the scrimmage." Where the Raiders played like some fat, wet, tight pussy, i.e. getting fucked with enthusiasm. Or better yet, tackling dummies for a team playing like Super Bowl Champions.
It was the first time I turned off a Raider game prior to the ending. I mean I have sat thru some ugly games. Everytime they lost to the hated Broncos has been painful. Real painful. I've sat thru some lopsided losses, too. The AFC Championship in Buffalo where the game started at 9a PST. I was brewed up by then but quickly the high was blown so that by 10a I needed a nap. But I stayed up until the bitter end. Then crashed hard - real hard.
The most humiliating thing was sitting thru the Super Bowl where they lost to Tampa Bay. I was at a Super Bowl party. Surrounded by Bronco fans and they were in my ear the whole time. There was a kid (he wasn't exactly a kid just younger than me) sitting behind right ear hollering every time the Bucs did some cool shit (which was like every other minute). I wanted to whup his ass. And it would've been very easy. But taking the Raiders' loss out on him and his exuberance in said loss, especially pursuant to several tequila shots, would've been unseemly.
Which brings me to now. I really can't stand watching the Raiders. I mean, I'm a lover of football. And the Raiders rule my football watching universe. But they are fucking that universe up right now. It's like going to a tittie bar, and your favorite dancer showing up with shit in her thong all the time. You gonna allow her to lap dance?
The Raiders under Art Shell and Tom "Bed & Breakfast" Walsh directed an unspeakably bad offense in 2006. But you sort of knew what you were in store for at the time because the whole offseason was a comedy of errors.
This year was full of youthful promise. But, goddamn! This shit is really fucking bad. Jamarcus needs to step up. The line needs to block. And the receivers need to hang onto the ball. But offense-bashing is reserved for another post. This post is reserved for the defense.
The linebackers suck asshole and have for quite sometime now. I know people extol the speed of Thomas Howard and Kirk Morrison in the passing game. Fuck the passing game. How about stopping the run? That's really supposed to be an lb's thing. Knocking the snot outta a running back when he crosses the line of scrimmage. Stopping the run is the essence of football. Listening to pads crack and helmets explode at the line of scrimmage is what gets the dick hard. A "whooo" hit at the line of scrimmage or behind it bespeaks the primitive nature of contact. Observing the mano a mano competition is what ignites our salivation glands.
The Raiders are not competing on defense. The safeties shouldn't be making tackles 12 yards down the field. The linemen can stand up the o-line. But the linebackers are supposed to crash the gaps and knock the shit outta the ball-carrier.
Instead, they miss the ball carrier. That would be okay if they at least knocked the shit outta a blocker.. They're not even doing that. They are receiving the contact. You're a linebacker and you're receiving, as opposed to delivering, contact?! Linebackers are supposed to be the most wild-eyed crazy muthafuckas on your team. And they aren't knocking the shit outta people on the regular? They are nice guys with speed? Man, fuck that! I need some excitement. Knock the shit outta somebody even if you don't make the tackle. I want to hear "Whoooommm!" at the line of scrimmage. Betcha the guard or fullback won't be so bold next time.
Tackling is about attitude and shoulders on the correct side of the body. You cannot grab. You must collide.
When I played football, I was used as an example of the correct way to tackle. Because I attacked with head across the body. I drove through the ball-carrier. And I finished off the tackle by grabbing the ball-carrier behind his kneecaps pulling his legs up and stopping his momentum. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't make that textbook tackle everytime, but when I did, it was a thing of beauty. My protege, David Tate, went to the pros following that technique.
The Raiders defense is the grabbingnest team right now. Reminds me of that Vince Lombardi clip from NFL Films. "Everybody's grabbing out there! Grab! Grab! Grab!!!" Fuck grabbing. Hit some-goddamn-body! Let's inject some excitement into the game! Knock the shit outta somebody!
Al has his theories about defense. Steve Young ridiculed those theories the first game of the season, rightfully so. But if that's what you want Al, recognize you need some crazed maniac at linebacker because you don't have Rod Woodson, Ronnie Lott, or Jack Tatum to create fear anymore. I know you don't value linebackers in the grand scheme of things - thinking four powerful d-lineman and cover corners will dominate. It ain't like that anymore, dawg. You need linebackers. Even when you had Lester and Mike Haynes, you had Rod Martin, Ted Hendricks, and Matt Millen holding it down at linebacker. Linebackers and the strong safety define the toughness of your defense - not your d-line and cornerbacks.
You need ass-kickers on defense. Who's your ass-kicker on that side of the ball? Nnamdi? He's an artist. You need a thug. Who's your thug?
We don't have a thug on our roster. Which explains the problem with Al. He's used to having thugs on his roster so the X's and O's weren't a big deal. No thugs. We need some attention to detail. Or some thugs. A blend might bring us back to respectability.
Al, I know you used to be a football genius. Re-read the phase "used to be." I just told you what's missing. Hire my ass. I need a job anyway. In the interim, the linebackers need to grab their nuts and let's go!!!
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