Doghouse, Pt. 2

Ladies, want to train your partner?  Try some silent treatment and a cross-your legs strike.  That will make a muthafucka think about the fucked-upness of his tone and actions. 

Be nice to everyone else.  Get on the phone and laugh with your peoples, especially your girlfriend.  Sports will be on, brew will be cracked, and food will be tasting good.  But the whole time the steam will rise.  "What the hell is so fucking funny?"

Then the inevitable question arises, "What's up?"  But the silent treatment and cross-your-legs strike makes you ponder.

So what happens next?  You clean up the crib the way she wants you to.  Then you cook some real hip meal.  Candles you pass in the store, you buy and not just buy but light up.  You wash and fold the laundry.  You shave.

So you ponder your next move because the mouth doesn't open to you and the legs remain closed.

You shampoo the carpet.  Take the car to the car wash in the middle of the night.  Buy the favorite wine.  Buy a flower bouquet that's not too old.

Not a word, and the legs remain clamped.

You buy a card.  Write an apology.  She remains as upbeat as ever with the world.  But you?  Uhhh ....

So now you start 'fessing up to shit you didn't know you did wrong.  Not a word, but a raised eyebrow.

No more beer in the fridge, sports is off, and she doesn't like the tv to be on while she sleeps.  Oh, and she's wearing four pairs of sweats, by now.

So you put on headphones and play some Antonio Carlos Jobim and EWF to lighten your mood.  Somehow that doesn't work.

Like a bad hangover - time and water.