Gving Thanks, Post-Celebration

The thing about holidays is the "post" aspect of it.  As in the aftermath.  Cleaning up and coming down.  Like the song says "back to reality."  In these weird ass times, "reality" is a bitch. 

At least the moment of "holiday" can be, and often is, wonderful.  If you look at the word, it's basically "Holy Day."  A day of holiness.  Not in the religious sense but of being wholistic.  The state of "whole," i.e. you being you.  Notice how much embracing occurs during holidays.  That's you embracing various aspects of you.  Why don't we do it more often?

Doesn't music sound better during holidays? 

The best time to try some foul shit is during holidays.  People are so intoxicated by happiness, food, and alcohol that you could start a war - and they have - but they wouldn't care. Why?  Because most people are focused on themselves and things/people close to them.  Only the diabolical think of this shit (i.e. Nixon, Kissinger, Cheney, Thatcher).  You could raid a village or break into a house and start shooting at sunrise. 

Holidays were very often depressing for me because I was not with family.  Now, it's just a time to watch some football.   Everything else is a bonus.

Members of the wife's family came by and enjoyed what had to be one of the finer moments of cooking we created.  

Then there are my boys, the Oakland Raiders.   They stunk up the television against my mother's favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys.  Goddamn!  My mother became a "saved" Christian a while back.  So she didn't talk too crazy to me.

We missed our annual sojourns this year.  Weird times.  Usually make that drive to see Moms, grandmother, aunts, cousins, and best friends.  Gotta get back right side up.

The mind is not only a terrible thing to waste, it is an awful prison.  The mind is a hard place to break out of when you don't feel like you.  I advocate exercise and a walk in the open air to release yourself if you don't feel like you. 

Why are they fucking with people?  Jobs and shelter.  Fucking with people's self-esteem.  Are they that fucked up in their own head that you have to pass that along?

I am thankful for all the experiences - good, bad, and fucked up.  They make me me. 

I love you muthafuckas!

Giving Thanks, Pt. 8

So my wife's mad at me.  Too many beverages but those are the breaks.   I'm thankful for her and all that she has contributed to me and my life.  She is a beautiful person and spirit.  I don't know where I would  be without her.

Cooking my ass off.  You should be here.

I really love my cats from HU.  Those cats are life-lines

Speaking of life-lines, my son is one.  Football is my shit.  He's killing my fingers playing catch.

Chef D, thanks for the lifeline.  Love you, bruh!

Tracy Rice - what can I say?  You took over Todd's spot.  I need you and your love.  Thank you!

Jay Barry.  That was REAL bitchtified!  One day you will learn.

Scott Evans, thanks for being a brotha!  You have my loyalty.

Long-lost loves.  It was real in my mind and there is love between us.  I just don't want an ass-whupping from Angel.  She's very strong!

Like Duke Ellington said, "Music is my mistress."  Words, too.

Kathleen, I hope you have a better 2010 and beyond.  Thanks for your Spirit.  I hate what has occurred in your Life.  But you have helped a brotha out.  BIG TIME!  Thank you!

Giving Thanks

When you have difficult times, a life-line is much appreciated. There are folks who throw you lifelines and don't realize it because they are just being themselves.  There are people who eschew the lifeline but blast noise just being themselves.   And when you need that life-line, the masturbating noise-makers expose themselves.

To all who have offered but couldn't deliver, no worries.  Your offer was beautiful and effort sincere.  At least you care!

To all whom have constructive advice carved out of caring and love, THANK YOU!  We will try to implement but these are weird times.

To the random well-wishers:  Your love and admiration is much appreciated and inspirational.

To the Raiders: PLEASE win the rest of your games!  I need stress-relief!

To all you beautiful-ass friends: THANK YOU for all that you do to sustain a brotha!  I truly appreciate you more than you know or appreciate.  I love you guys!!!

Raider Nation - Excitement Pt. 3

It's about goddamn time these cats started to play up to their potential.  Me and my homeboy, Barron, watched the sheeit with jaded eyes.  But our boys came from behind and played some offense.  Defense was there, too.  I think we lucked up that Cincy called some boneheaded plays but we gave some games away doing the same.  Especially with DuhMarcus, I mean, Jamarcus at qb.  We wasted a season trying to get him to play ball.  Should've seen the writing on the wall during his laziness off-season and the Denver game.  Dude has no accountability in him and that will cause you not to grow. 

I think we get in the Cowboys' azzes next.  They can't score and we have a qb who gets it now.  Hopefully, Jamarcus learns his lesson and stops wasting Al's money and the Nation's time.

Some Rare Excitement

The past month has been difficult emotionally for me.  We will elaborate in a hard hitting piece soon.  You know we will deliver.  But it's been difficult for me to write, really, for the past year.  I promise you will receive more DeAng, and not the subtle DeAng either.

My boys pulled one out today.  Watched the game on the Sunday Ticket with my son.  Got him some Martinelli Apple-Grape for his Raider glass with some Cheez-Its and Oreos.  My favorite moments are watching a Raider game with him with his drinks and snacks.  Damn the outcome - it's the Moment.  Only two seasons left before he's gone and those moments will be gone.  Crying on the inside.

What can I say?  The Bengals, like the Eagles, were sloppy and underestimated the Silver and Black.  Defense has always been good.  Just need those high draft picks to step up.

I really cannot express the love and joy I experience with my son during these moments.  Thanks Barron!  For being you.  I 'll keep trying to be a better me.

Stability

Stability.  Who doesn't crave it in some form?  Unless you're Miles Davis, you want that wall, that ground to understand yourself, that launching pad, that landing ground, that resting place where you are are you.  That place to hug your kids and your spouse.

That place of meditation.

Stability.

Then THEY mess with it.  Like a frat playing mind games.  I'm too old and polished for mind games.  I don't play mind games and never have.  I'm direct.  That's why we didn't pledge.  I don't care if you did and there's no judgment involved.  Some of my best friends pledged.

They want consumption but they keep interfering with your ability to consume.  You want to come home and enjoy a glass of wine while watching your favorite moment.  And they disrupt your moment of stability. 

Because they induced you into their crap-out?  They still have loads of money but want you to pay off their lost bets?

And so this is where we are as a society and economy?  Why am I burdened with your bad decisions?  We are all burdened by poor choices, why am I burdened by yours?

Being imperfectioned humans means we all have to choose.  Otherwise, we'd know the answers before they were questions.

We have habits and things we rely on to be in the place that we want or place them.  Then there's now.  Where folks mess with mess with your stability.  Where they play games with what you worked hard and sacrificed for.  Out of greed.  But all you want is stability.  To get your feet under you.


Stability. Every sane person craves it.  If we have to live together, what does it say about you to mess anyone's up?

HU Homecoming Tears

It looks like I'm about to miss my peeps for the first time since '04.  And it hurts.  I get my Black on when we go to DC.  That's really more home to me than Denver.  All my peeps are there.  To be honest, I really hate living in Denver.  I only live here for love of family.

But my other family - my HU family - I miss.  Roll call: Bob Nunes, Angela Acree, Rudy Acree, Bernard Parks, Robin Smith Rose, Beverly Bains, Antonio, Ernie Champelle ("Fuck you, Soccer Boy!"), Tim Eure, Toya Watts, Lisa Beal, Donald Temple, Chris Cathcart, Petey Cooke, Manotti Jenkins, Howard Hamilton, Mike Bell, Ray Spears, Tiffane White, Tiffany Hamilton, Marc Joyner, Jonny Malone, Chill, Beano, it's getting too many to call, and all the fine-azz sistas from back in the day that wouldn't talk to me, or was it the other way around?  I'll tell you what, I was in love anyway and still am.  Sorry Angel.

HU Homecoming the preeminent Black event.  I hate missing it.

Doghouse

Sometimes you get placed in there    Sometimes you retire to it voluntarily.  I have my blanket and pillow.  We all have issues.  Sometimes love and understanding can't come quickly enough.  Sometimes time and space help with resolution.  I'm not mad.